调：Ab major
Verse 1
G
D
G
it was the Packers -Steelers Super Bowl,
I went to the game,
like, I went with my friend
and he's a Steelers fan,
Like, you know, I mean,
I grew up a Browns fan,
F
G
C
which is no way to live. I was, yeah, it's just, but you know, like, I just, you know, I'm just, yeah, I watched the whole league,
G
you know, because I just can't let them ruin my fucking Sunday anymore, but we went to the game,
and one of my friends,
my friend's a Steelers fan,
so we bet on a game.
It was a 200 bet.
My friend decided to be a dick,
because he lost,
pay me off in all 2 bills.
Imagine the commitment it
takes
to be that much of a douche.
You know, I mean,
there's no ATMs that dispense twos.
You gotta drive to the bank,
you don't need a hundred
F
twos.
see? Even the teller's like,
you're just being a dick to somebody, aren't you? So
anyway, I went for a while to pay with fucking twos,
Which ain't easy, because technically,
2 bills,
they're just money,
but apparently it's a conversation piece
with everybody, too,
so I can't just pay anywhere,
everywhere I go.
That's a 2 bill, I'm like,
oh, this is the guy who fucking gave it to you, I know.
One cashier, it's like at Walgreens or something,
whatever I bought was like 8, so
I gave her four twos.
She actually did the light test on her.
Like, I'm counterfeiting
fucking too,
so I mean, like, oh yeah,
you got me, Columbo, yeah.
Twos and nickels,
I'm gonna run this town.
ha, ha, ha, ha.
But yeah, I gotta travel a lot.
I always have to fly though.
It's just, it's just, we all hate it.
It just gets worse.
anywhere.
Like everywhere I go,
I gotta go to fucking Charlotte.
I could be flying from London
to Hong Kong.
We gotta go to Charlotte.
Why? The fuck is in Charlotte?
More planes, bitch. Get on.
Like, I've never even seen the city of Charlotte,
I just know the airport has a Cinnabon,
that's it.
That's all I know about it.
And Charlotte's the only
airport I've been to
that the restrooms have an attendant.
The guy with the towels.
Is anybody like that fucking guy?
You ever walk into a restroom
without an attendant and go, man, I
feel so unwelcome right now.
Like, you know what I need more of when
I'm pooping?
Fucking company. God damn it.
I mean, I'm getting lonely in here
and I need a fucking peppermint.
Where's the guy?
Public restrooms are so gross too.
Like who's pee is that yellow,
why is that not gone?
I get grossed out, fucking, yeah,
I drown myself in hand sanitizer.
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I can't do it, I always get sick when I fly.
I always have to fly next
to the guy with the fucking cough.
And I can hear him coming down the aisle
too.
I just have to fly next to the guy
who wants to talk?
Fucking shut up.
I don't know what it is about my face.
People are like, oh, I bet he
wants fucking friends.
And I don't. I'm full.
Like, if you want to talk,
have a point.
If there's something to talk about,
let's talk.
Like if you look over and go, hey, did you see,
this plane only has one wing? yeah.
Oh yeah.
I think that's a good thing to
talk about.
Just make small talk out of nothing.
So, where are you headed?
Oh, the same fucking place you are.
Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
For some reason,
it's just where they keep the planes.
I to fly, I do, I just...
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