Silent night, holy
night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon virgin, mother and child
Her lips are tender and mild,
Sleep in heavenly peace,
Sleep in heavenly peace.
Hey, I'm Carl,
and this holiday season,
I'm asking you to remember
the core message of this song.
Please, by all means, shut up,
shut up,
especially when you see me
at the strip club.
If I gotta pay 6 cover
and wear a collared shirt
and socks with my shower shoes,
then I want to focus intensely on
the entertainment,
without you providing no
commentary track
about how tips are appreciated.
Okay, Carl,
this is a little bit of a time...
Hey, honey, how about you do something
to earn the money?
I mean, I can pour vodka into a glass.
Carl, Carl, please.
These ladies rely on tips
for their living now.
I'm just saying,
the attitude with these women.
Hi, America, I'm Bruce Springsteen.
Whoa, whoa, hang on now,
you got Springsteen for this?
The boss?
He had a previous engagement.
But Bruce Springsteen's words
that I wrote for him
still ring true today.
I'm the boss of music,
And I'm telling you,
you need to buy this album
from my friend Meatwad.
Cause if you listening to this right now,
I bet you didn't buy it.
I bet you burned it.
Cause that's what people do now.
Yeah, yeah, he's right.
I mean, how would you like it
if I busted into your house
and, uh, stole your wife?
And started having sex with her?
I'm pretty good looking now.
I've been doing sit -ups with an aerobics
Carl, please. I have this.
Look, I'm just saying.
I'm just saying. It's stealing.
What if the wise men,
instead of giving gold
and frankincense and myrrh,
decided they was going to steal Joseph's car stereo,
and tip over some sheep,
and paint the word doo -doo
on the side of the manger?
I bet this holiday would have
a slightly different flavor,
wouldn't it? So remember,
I'm Bruce Springsteen,
and if you're burning CDs,
you ought to go to jail.
Because you're stealing,
and stealing is wrong,
and I'm going to find you.
And so does the CIA and the FBI.
Sleep in heavenly peace.
Sleep in heavenly peace.
No, no.
It's peace, not beast.
Sleep in heavenly peace.
Oh, well I thought it was like Empire Strikes Back, you
know, where he cuts open that tarn -tarn
and gets inside of it?
It's peace.
Oh, OK.
Whatever. That's my song.