I'm a feminine Eminem, a slim shady lady
But nice cause I texted Haiti
90 lady cops on the road
and I'm arrested for doing 80
Like hamlet, all about "words, words, words"
Divide a whole into thirds, thirds, thirds
I'm a gay sea otter
I blow other dudes out of the water
I'm the man muffin, divin', muffin
Cold and fly like an arctic puffin
Puffin whacky tobaccy
Hatin other rappers like I'm Helga Pataki
And I've been rockin this mic
before electricity
Way back in a thousand BCE
that's before the common era
(era, era, era, era, era)
I can't be stopped,
flow so sick that it should be mopped up
Chick's got a dixie cup,
I gotta dick full of helium, I'll fuck you up
A boy, a girl, a middle aged bitch,
botox in the third person
I give the perspective
a switch and Bo talks in the third person
Just relax, if you wanna know me,
Met a girl named Macy
I had sex with her all day
But she was dyslexic
so I ended up doin the YM CA
We ballin', Asian, Wii bowlin',
prostate cancer semi-colon
Find that hole like I'm Stephen Hawking
Atticus Finch, killing, mocking
Cry like a child would,
you raped my childhood
Just stroll in, roll in
your pole into Rolie Polie Olie's colon
To relax my mind
I take a walk by the clock
and I pass the time
and Rhymin', mathematical timin',
syn tax impacts the intact hymen
I'm an internet provider,
came from the web like a horny spider
Fucked a girl in an apple orchard,
then came in cider
I thought AIDS was a butt virus
like conjunction junction conjunctivitis
I spit gold bars
cause I was molested by my uncle Midas
Gay dads blow pops, another sucker
We the people of the USA
Jose, we're not talking to you, esse
We got a border in order to keep you out
It's what my NYU essay's about
Cause we're, xenophobic warrior princess
Molested by my uncle sam, is that incest?
"I want you" to smell my finger
Does my nephew's scent still linger?
South of queers, north of hell
The queer ones suck
and the brown one's smell
We guard the border and we guard it well
But some slip through the cracks
of the liberty bell
Did I say liberty?
I meant taco, paco,
hey you better let that rock go
Cause in real life goliath wins
And then sells all the silk
that the widow spins
Bitches and hoes, Bo's hoes, oh,
bitches and hoes, bitches, hoes
Bitches and hoes don't exist
because the hoes know Bo's a feminist
Bitches and hoes don't exist
because the hoes know Bo's a feminist
So take off your bras and burn em
or you can let me burn em
And take off your bras and burn em,
or you can let Bo Burnham burn em
take off your bras and burn em
or you can or you can let me burn em
And take off your bras and burn em,
burn em or you can let Bo Burnham burn em
(Hoes, Bo's hoes, oh
Bitches and hoes, bitches hoes)
[Fade out]