Howdy, my name's Soddy,
Soddy Ho.
And you know, I heard all my life
that if you want to be on record,
you got to write songs that touch people.
And I would like to try to touch you
with a song I wrote called A
Testimony of Soddy Ho,
also known as Ain't Nobody
Never Told Me Nothin'.
It goes like this. One day,
my truck run out of gas
on Route 1
and I was thumbing into town
going to get me something when these
three dudes in this big black car
pulled over to the side.
They said, hey boy,
come over here and let's talk.
I now look, if you're going to town,
that's an awful long walk,
but if you don't mind driving,
I'm a little tired,
I'll give you a ride. I said, fine.
He said, well,
if you've got a driving license,
what's your name?
I said, no, I ain't got no license.
Soddy's my name,
but I sure drive to hell, I just think.
So I got in the office with me.
We were riding along
and I said, what kind of work y 'all in?
The dude in the back car left,
he just grinned.
Then he looked at
them other two dudes
and he said,
Ain't nobody ever told me nothin'
That they didn't want me to know
Only anybody ever told me where to go
Now there ain't nobody
so much as givin' the time of day
They never told me nothin'
so I ain't got nothin' to say
Now folks, you see,
Soddy's fixin' to get
in a heap of trouble
You see, cause when we got to town,
I told them things
They said, well look,
we got a business deal
here at the bank
Why don't you sit out in the
car and watch it, boss
And when we finish, we'll buy you a beer."
I said, fine.
So I sit there pickin' my teeth,
and I seen this gas station
over across the street.
I thought, well, shoot,
while they're in the bank,
I'll just go get some gas from
my truck while I'm here.
So I did.
And I was on the self -service aisle,
pumpin' some gas in the can,
when this great big cop
come up a -screamin' at everybody,
wavin' his hand.
He said, everybody,
stay where you are,
that black vehicle is a stolen car.
Is that yours, boy?
I said, no, officer,
I'm just puttin' gas in this can.
Yeah, see, Soddy may be
dumb like a box of rocks,
but he knows that police
ain't gonna buy none of this.
See, but before Soddy even
had time to think,
when the burglar alarm
went off over at the bank,
Well, here come them dudes runnin' out
with their arms loaded full of money,
brandishin' guns.
Well, they looked for the car,
and then they looked for me.
Well, they didn't see
neither one of us
where we was supposed to be.
Well, son, you shoulda seen the
look on their face
when they didn't have nowhere to run.
Why, they was a -screamin'.
They was a -hollerin',
jumpin' up and down.
And the money was spillin'
all over on the ground
about the time me
and that officer walked
over there on the scene.
Well, the dude called left,
and he pulled me over to the side,
and he said, Where did you put
the damn car knucklehead?
I didn't look at left and I said brother wait
a minute ain't nobody ever
That didn't want me to know
only anybody ever told me
Nobody so much
The time of day they never told me nothing.
I ain't got nothing to say except hey
I know where you going
when you leave him brother,
and I know well side it's going to
And if I had my brothers, brother,
I'd rather be going without it
than going with you.
How's that for being ignorant?
Oh, huh?
I may be ignorant, lefty,
but I ain't going to jail.
Hey, brother, you over there
with the pickup truck.
Hey, yeah, you going out
toward Highway 1?
I need a lift.
I got this gas can.
Yeah, it's heavy.
See, I can't carry it.
I need a ride, huh?
Well, let me tell you where to stick your pickup truck,
brother.
And while you're at it,
why don't you accompany that
with that automatic gear shift?
How do you like that, hello?
Get off my butt and lift it.
Officer, would you give me a
lift out to the highway?
Yeah, well let me tell you
where to stick that patrol car,
officer.