The Poodle Lecture 创作者： 
Frank ZappaFrank Zappa 
N/A1 浏览量
Key: F major•
Verse 1
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FZ:
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In the begin ning God made 'the light.' Shortly
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thereafter God made three big
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Mistakes. The first mistake was called MAN,
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the second mistake was called
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WO- MAN, and the third mistake was the invention of
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Gm
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THE POODLE. Now the reason
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The poodle was such a big mistake is because God
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originally wanted to build a
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Schnauzer, but he fucked up. Now a long time ago,
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the poodle used to be a very
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Attractive dog. The poodle had hair
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evenly dis tributed all over its small
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Pi quant canine type BODY. That's the way
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it used to be, the poodle used to be a
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Regular looking dog. You know it's true, I guess
you do too. (Oh, I have to
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Kiss you? Oh okay.)
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Anyway listen, check this out. The poodle used
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to look good,
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you know the
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Regular dogs that used to hang out in
the neighbourhood looked at the poodle,
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Didn't think anything of it. You know,
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they didn't use to make fun of it in the
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Olden days. But the WO- MAN, as you
know, has always been much smarter than the
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MAN.
Gm
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Guy In The Audience:
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You're
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the best!
FZ:
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That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away,
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okay. Now you're interrupting my
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Story, now listen . . . What is that? Is that
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the Tower of Power or what? Oh no
No, it's one of those dope fiend
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devices, take it away. Now listen:
Gm
The WO- MAN has al ways
Verse 5
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been much smarter than the MAN,
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you know this is true.
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And so it was since the beginning of time.
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The MAN would do anything to get
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Some pussy. And that's why the WO-
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MAN always had control over him.
Verse 6
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In the beginning the WO- MAN looked
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the MAN directly into the eye and said: "I
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Tell you what, why don't you go get a job because
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I could use a few nice things
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Around the house. Mainly what I need is a clipper,
a scissors, and a pair of
Zircon encrusted tweezers." (Thank you
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very much.)
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An d of course
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the MAN did his duty as
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they say in the trade. He went out and he
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Got a goddamn job. Went out and pushed
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that broom around for about a
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Dollar- 2.98 an hour, brought his money back
to the garden of Eden and gave that
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Money to the WO- MAN.
Verse 8
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The WO- MAN ran out the back door of the garden
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of Eden, went dir ectly to the
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Hardware store, got the clip pers,
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the scissors and the zircon encrusted
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Tweezers and came back and, while the
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MAN was very tired from having his job,
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While he was sleeping, the WO- MAN got a hold
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of the POODLE. Because the WO- MAN
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Had noticed earlier that the
length and proportion of the poodle oral
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Ap pendage, the tongue of the dog in other words,
ladies and gentlemen, was very
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Much to her liking, except that this dog
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had too goddamn much hair on it. It
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Didn't have the disco look that's
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so pop ular nowadays.
Verse 9
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And so the WO- MAN sat out to modify
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the aforementioned dog. Let me get a little
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Uh, visual aid . . .
Verse 10
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Now she took the dog and she cleaned
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it up a little bit. You see, she took a
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Little bit of the back- part here, around the neck,
the thorax, the tootsies.
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Got all of the unwanted extranious material off
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this area which we shall call
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Burbank. Then she set the little sucker up like this,
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really nice, got his
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Mouth set up like that. And squatted right ON HIM.
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Looking down in to the dog's
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Eyes. She looked down into the dog's eyes,
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do you know what she said to the
Dog? She said:
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