调：Ab major•
Verse 1
Ab
Yeah.
Looks like I won't be doing any fat jokes tonight, I guess,
so...
We'll do that.
Alright, I'll do a couple fat jokes here for
you.
As long as Rosie O'Donnell's around,
I got some fat jokes to tell, I tell you.
I'll guarantee you, good Lord.
And I know her, too. I met her when she was a thin,
straight boy
many years ago.
All right, so I know,
I'm just kidding with you.
She actually looks a lot better
since she lost all her winter fur.
All right, I will say that.
All right, that's it.
One more joke like that,
I'm canceling the 4th of July.
All right, that's ridiculous.
I don't know if he knows or not,
I'm walking a little weird
and I apologize.
Db
Ab
I had the prostate check done last week,
my first one.
And it ain't that big a deal.
I just wish my doctor
and cut his dadgum fingernails a
little bit.
You know what I mean?
Good Lord, he sliced my liver.
I think he did.
That prostate check freaked me out.
It was my first one.
Anybody had a prostate
check done yet?
Anybody? You have?
Ma 'am, you have?
What the hell? Good Lord. You're
a lucky man.
Has anybody
had a prostate check done?
Seriously, you have, sir?
Professionally?
Was it professionally done?
Well, you gotta ask that nowadays.
But it was my first prostate check
and it kind of freaked me out.
And I tell you what, is it normal?
I might sue the doctor.
Is it normal for them to dim the lights
and put on a Richard Marx CD?
Is that normal right there?
It ain't, is it? I'm gonna sue him
is what I'm gonna do.
I think you slipped me a roofie too. I ain't sure.
All I know is my butt hurts
and I can't remember nothing.
Then I went to the bathroom
and found his watch.
You believe that? I can't believe that.
It's a nice watch,
Really nice watch.
I actually did hurt my back
a while back auditioning for Dancing
with the Stars.
you won't ever see me on,
right there.
Dancing with the daggums.
They're good looking
if they had me.
I tell you that, but, that's right.
I used to be in, you didn't know this,
but I was in porno
movies many years ago.
What? I was. I was a stand in.
I used to stand in a booth
and put quarters in.
Alright, I had that dance
for many hours.
Something happened to the other day,
I gotta tell you,
and I try to remain upbeat and stuff, but I'm gonna tell you what,
I was madder than a midget with
a yo -yo.
That's pretty pissed off right there,
ain't it?
Hey, if this place was full of midgets
and y 'all did the wave,
would that be a ripple?
But I'd go pick up a buddy
of mine
at the hospital the other day,
and now he's got lead poisoning
and I like to keep my jokes current
all right
and that's in the news right now
China with all the poison products
pissing me off
China make me madder than a hunchback
in a limbo contest
them folks in China
and you know they was cheating in the
Olympics
China you know them female
gymnasts
wasn't old
enough to win them gold medal
I know they wasn't because they got
them gold medals
and tried to take the wrapper off
and get to the chocolate in
them tanks. right.
Sure. I know they was cheap.
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