Michael, you've changed.
Well, so have you.
Well...
Nobody's perfect, nobody's perfect.
I am human, so are you.
Nobody's perfect,
nobody's perfect.
Here is what we ought to plan to do.
Let's make a list of irritating habits
that we think the other per son has.
Then once we know our
irritating habits,
we can correct them.
As for example,
now please don't be offended,
but because these things exist,
I have taken the little liberty
of fixing up a little list.
Now you're sure you don't mind?
Oh, I'm absolutely sure.
well I think that's very big of you
well you see dear it just so happens
that I have made up a little listing
to a pair of socks
does not represent the end
of the civilized world
if you're out of socks
believe me when I say that there's bound to
be a more effective way to get them washed
than to stand in your drawers
in the middle of the kitchen screaming
someone has stolen my socks
this is a piece of paper
This is a column which, as you see,
I have placed on the piece of paper.
This is a list of receipts and bills,
what we might call household expense,
which I have entered along this line,
forming a business -like design
inside the column which I've prepared
upon this piece of paper.
This is a total of all those bills.
It represents a month's expense,
the whole outlay in checks and
cash
that went for the rent
and the corned beef hash,
In short, the sum and net result
of all the figures inside the column
which I've prepared upon
this piece of paper.
Now, this, as you know,
is a statement from the bank.
It must be compared
with the total result
of all the figures inside the column.
If we are to know, in terms of cost,
just how much money we've made or lost,
how far, in fact, we've come or gone,
what I'm trying to say is, honey,
you're overdrawn.
Again!
You chew in your sleep.
Do what? You chew.
You go like this. I don't. You do.
I've never done that one
time in my life.
Darling, please re member,
I'm your wife.
You chew in your sleep.
You do it frequently.
But that's absolutely awful.
I quite agree.
You are always late.
You are always early
We're totally dressed
And ready to go
I open the door
But do we make it?
It's where are my gloves?
My gloves, my gloves
And where is my purse?
My purse, my purse
Where are my keys?
Where is my hat?
Where is my this?
Where is my that?
If I protest
It only makes it worse
Hat and gloves, keys and purse
Pain in the neck, terrible curse
And I would simply like to state
That if you ask me what I hate
It's the terrible, horrible
Habit you have of always
being late
Oh, when I start to tell a story
An amusing anecdote I've read
When I start to tell a funny story
I get flustered
cause I know what lies ahead
It always happens just when I start
To tell a story
It makes no difference where we are
When I get where the joke should be
You say it just ahead of
me I mean
You give
me Russian dressing
which I happen to detest
You grab the morning papers
and you take the part that's best.
Every night since we've been wed,
you've worn cold cream into bed.
Every night beneath the sheet,
must you look like trick or treat?
Hmm. Nobody's perfect.
Nobody's perfect.
I am human, so are you.
Nobody's perfect.
Nobody's perfect.
Here is what we ought to plan to do.
You take my list
and see if you can't do a little better.
You take mine and see if you can't notice
an improvement.
Cause nobody's perfect,
especially not you.
Not you.
Not you, not you, not you, not you, not you.