Pepa, it's me again,
why aren't you picking up the phone?
It's like my brain is gonna melt
if I don't talk to you
I've got a problem in the shower,
and I only got a minute
'Cause the problem in the shower
Is this guy that I've been
dating named Malik
He's, what's the word? Swarthy,
like a desert sheik
And he's been here in my
apartment for about a week
I met him down at café Sombra, and
I know you think I'm overly romantic
But you wouldn't believe the connection we had,
like immediately
I was ready for him to meet my mom
Like I could feel my heart exploding
like some kind of bomb
Which is ironic because actually I think
he literally has some kind of
Anyway grandpa, happy birthday
Say hello to grandma and
be sure to thank
That was him!
Pepa! Are you there? Are
you there? Are you...?
Okay you're not there but we need to talk
My stomach's aching like I swal
lowed some enormous rock
I'm at the phone booth on the corner,
and I've only got a minute
'Cause I'm running out of change
'Cause I've been lending
all my money to Malik
God knows with men,
I'm not exactly on a lucky streak
But this one really is a mess,
I think I'm gonna freak
I know you say I'm an alarmist
But I'm not remember,
there's that time I thought I saw a spider
But you said, "Nah, it's a Raisin"
But it sud denly started moving,
and it crawled over and bit me on the toe
So if you're gonna stand and judge me,
that's how much you know
It's a good thing I didn't eat it,
but I never would've eaten it
'Cause I never did like raisins,
so why would there be a Raisin on the floor?
So when you hear this, call me back,
I'll wait a little more
I'll be at 773, damn they scratched out the number,
and misspelled vagina
All right, I'm hanging up, I'll call you back!
Pepa! Ok I'm trying you again,
it's afternoon!
It's like my eyes are gonna pop
if I don't get you soon
I'm at the studio, which sucks because
I'm having trouble working
'Cause the only thing I think about's
this crazy situation with Malik
I don't know what I'm gonna do
if you and I don't speak
I know you think I'm just a drama queen,
but actually I'm practical
And damn it I'm a model
So of course I feel things deeper
that most people typically do
And anyway I think my life
might be in danger too
You won't believe what he's
got hidden in the
Fernando's working here he's
lost a lot of weight though
And he got that thing removed
he just looks
Pepa, Marcos, he says hello
And now he's telling me were
shooting so I got to go
It's some big deal, ad campaign,
I don't know what it's for
They've got me posing with a melon and a matador,
some kind of metaphor
Pepa, it's 8:00, I don't know why
you're treating me like this
Pepa, it's almost 10 o'clock you
really are a terrible friend
Pepa I'm sorry I've never
felt to frightened and alone
I'm like a helpless little kitten up a -
Hey! I'm on the fucking phone!
Please call me back
Pepa! Ok now even your machine's
ignoring me
Listen, Pepa, I know you think I'm
needy but you've gotta see
I'm feeling kinda woozy,
I've been crying for an hour
And my boyfriend has an oozy and
he doesn't clean the shower
And I don't know where you are,
I don't know where I am
I'm halfway up a tree and
completely in a jam
I'm out here in a desert and
nobody gives a damn
Laura Benanti 
