I would dream up inventions.
I'd throw out the rules, disregard
I'd make this world happy
And all of us would sleep
Easy to install, but hard to disarm.
It would be silent on streets,
and in parking lots instead
It would only go off in the car
Really, nobody else needs to be woken up
Just cause somebody's walking
a teensy bit too close to your car
I want a fast forward button
For those boring times when spending
Drives you out of your mind
Simply point it and zap them
but then I'd like a slow motion button
and slow down some boyfriends
would come in handy when making gravy,
keep those lumps from congealing.
I'd invent something for one
when you leave a stupid message on
voicemail and you can't take it back,
Simply click and rewind for
That will impress the collie and
Oh, I wish I had an alarm
That would beep if I was about
It would bang if my shoe was
Really, if they can tell you that a hurricane is 500 miles away,
that an itsy bitsy little natural disaster
is just two inches from your foot?
I'd want a buzzer on my mirror that will warn
if my hair is a horrible mess, or if I need
The deluxe model will have a
Lock the doors, bolt the windows,
you can't leave the house!
I want a censor in the ladies
room that discreetly knows
When you've tucked your dress
You should have seen the look
It was that sign of the dove in
Everybody was staring at me as I was walking across the floor,
But I'm telling you, if I ruled the world,
humiliating things like this wouldn't happen anymore.
Wouldn't this be a better place
for all of us to live in?
Now, here are some of my more
I'd invent an umbrella with a
strong bracelet attached.
and it would come in handy if you're ever in a subway attack.
A detector that tells you
what's in the cracker jack box.
Every country would drive on the
I'd remove all cholesterol
People like me would understand
I'd invent a satellite catcher
When your 500 million dollar
spacecraft just floats away
A video camera that could
I'd invent a 100 % natural, yet luscious,
yet nonfat, and so yummy ice cream
I would make these inventions
And then think up more at
But I don't rule the world,
With the annoying situations we all
