调：Gb major•
Verse 1
What kind of moron
would still give a fruitcake for Christmas?
G#m
G#
Good lord, you can't eat the damn
things.
Good lord, an Ethiopian
would look at a fruitcake and say, Gah, gross,
G#
A#m
I'm going back to eating bugs and monkey brains.
underneath the right
G#m
F#
to keep the living room sitting level.
but did you know that the fruitcake
was also the main weapon
G#
A#m
Fruitcakes first come to this country
He used them as fruit licks for his horses.
so to get even, he sent him
a fruit lick.
Throughout the years, the fruitcake
has been used as a last -minute gift
used to stone folks with fruitcakes,
and the fruitcake was used as the first
steam engines
The fruitcake still today
is being used by African pygmies
to lengthen their wieners.
They tie the fruitcake to their ding -dongs
and stretch it so that they look good
for the annual march through town
for hunting season.
That's true.
For years, homos used
this same technique
to get ready for gay parades
until they stopped when the
pineapples started causing rashes.
So the story of the fruitcake
is a good one.
So if you get one for Christmas,
two you're a butthole,
or three, you're a queer,
and you need to stretch your
wiener.
Merry Christmas.
Like Bill Clinton said to Hillary
after he got a fruitcake, quote,
I'll be gone for an hour
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