When Rudolph cracks a book
and the elves aren't breaking down
Do you think he calls me up
not when the chance is slim
No, he'll call Christmas freaks
with ten -foot plastic trees
That's who he'll ask with glee
On those long summer eves
And the man has shared the day
With a rubbermaid array of underbed bins
Do you think he leaps at me?
No, he'll jump vampire fans
who never dangle arms too
Who nightly wake up screaming,
Since they believe in him,
And that poor tooth fairy,
when she's all out of dimes
and her truck's full of teeth
And she hears nine more children
wiggling on their motors in the suburbs
Do you think she picks that time to ask why
I prefer to not believe in her?
No, she'll call five -year -olds
who hoard their baby teeth
Like little traveler's checks
that they put underneath their pillow
Then they whisper with a new nisp,
Tooth Fairy, please come soon,
that's who she'll ask, you see
So when your boss is mean
And your best friend buys guns
And your new sofa comes off
And a litter's about a mile
You should not choose that time
The way you live these days
No, you should march right in
who will go uh -uh -uh -uh, oh dear,
certainly and of course not, enthusiastically,
so soon as this line is free,
As soon as this line is free,
as soon as this line is free,
