调：G major
Verse 1
who was an American who spoke English,
he discovered that the English language
was not sufficient for lovemaking
G
songs.
It's very stunted.
I mean, we've only got one phrase.
I mean, in England, if we take out a girl,
we're speaking English,
which is very unlikely these days,
because most of us speak Jamaican.
You take a girl out in England
for 2 hours, 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years,
depending on your ability,
and you get to the point of no return,
the PNR, the point of no
return.
When you turn to her
and you say, I love you darling, I love you
darling, I love you darling,
Darling, darling, I love you, darling,
wake up, darling, darling, wake up, darling, I love...
Then she either does or she doesn't.
And if she doesn't,
what a waste of time
if it took you two years
to get to the point of no return.
The language of love,
of course, ladies and gentlemen, is French.
The French language leads you into love,
it leads you out of love,
it leads you round it and up and down it,
and you can break off the engagement
any time you wish.
For instance, if you take a girl out for the first time
and you're going to speak to her,
you don't.
You're going to look at her in the eyes
and say, Ah, ha ha, ha ha, ha ha ha,
ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha, ha ha, ha ha ha ha
And if she hasn't got
the message after that,
you chuck it and get somebody else.
If she shows she's interested,
then you follow it up with a
little bit of French.
For instance, touche le mot, touche le mot, touche le mot,
touche le mot, touche le mot.
This is very helpful
because you're halfway there before
you start, you know.
C 'est si bon, c si bon, c si bon, c si bon, c si bon, c si bon, c 'est si bon, very good, very good, very good, very good, very good,
used on the French railways.
And then that wonderful French phrase,
c 'est magnifique, same goods,
different publicity.
But what about the normal Englishman
of whom we have so many left
in England today,
despite the last two years' scandal?
We can afford a scandal
where we're found out
in England
once every two hundred years.
Think of the fun we've been having
for 199.
Wait till they catch your mob
in South Africa.
They filmed ours in Technicolor,
they'll film yours in black and white.
Anyway, there was this
This Englishman,
you know, in England,
takes a bird out.
Bird is an English word for crumpet,
crumpet is an English word for girl,
girl is an English word for bird.
And bird is actually two legs and no
feathers.
And when you take a bird out in England,
mate,
we don't worry about the weather
because we're all born
waterproof.
And so you get a bloke,
take a girl out there,
takes a bird out in England,
he takes her out on one of them beautiful,
warm, scintillating Sunday afternoons,
what we have once a year.
It's belted down with rain, snow,
sleet, smog, fog, gear.
He's got her in a small park
outside London
called Hampstead Heath,
H -double -H, H -H, Heath.
When he gets there,
there's more heff -heff
than there is hee -hee.
He's just going to say,
I love you, darling,
and what happens?
He finds his shoes are leaking.
His sandwiches
have gone all sort of soggy.
He's lost his Macintosh.
Somebody swiped his
Gram sheet.
Thank you, ex -serviceman. And when he gets back to his car,
somebody's nicked the back seat out of it,
and he's not getting his knees dirty for nobody,
mate.
I see we have more travellers
than ex -servicemen here tonight.
So we sing through a little song in English.
Now in England we don't speak French,
only phonetically we speak it
as it looks.
We still in England think
that oui oui is... is uh...
and we're very unremonstrative
we don't show our love
on our faces
you know we've always got a sniff
when love walks in
and takes you for a spin
oh la la la
When every night
Oh la la la
Ow!
Put me down,
But when one day
your loved one drifts away
D
G
Dm
Oh ha ha, flippin' ha ha
But when, so once more,
Shut the blooming door!
Oh blimey!
When love walks in,
attacks you for a spin,
oh la la la.
Excuse me, mademoiselle,
I'm in a hurry.
Thank you very much.
C magnifique!
Oh la la la!
My name is Spinny Gonzales!
But when, one day,
your love wanders away,
oh la la la,
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