When there ain't no
end to the money you spend,
I'm your friendly waiter John.
It ain't my job to listen to you sob,
but money, he -he, turns me on.
You can sit right here and drink your beer
While you wonder where
your woman's gone
And if your tips are high,
there ain't a nicer guy
Than Big and Friendly Waiter John
There ain't another man
that can understand
Like Big and Friendly Waiter John
I'm known to be a man of sympathy,
least up until your money's gone.
So drink away all your cares and pay,
and forget about your runaway blonde.
Lean on the bar and have a big cigar
with big and friendly waiter John.
When you fall apart with a broken heart,
Come to Friendly Waiter John.
He'll pour your beer for
you and lend an ear
And a shoulder to cry upon.
He'll dry your eyes for
you and sympathize
Till all your troubles are gone.
So pull out your dough
and let the big tips flow
To Big and Friendly Waiter John
Now everything has a price,
even sound advice
From Big and Friendly Waiter John
When I serve booze I
kinda pick up news
About lots of things that's
been goin' on
Might even be you could find out from me
Who stole your sweetie Vaughn
But for news to flash
you gotta drop the cash
To big and friendly Waiter John
Yeah, that's a good ol' sot
And thanks a lot
from your friendly Waiter John.
Here's enough to grab yourself a taxi cab
but the rest of your money's gone.
You spent your load,
now hit the road toad
and stop all this carrying on.
You lost your gal like all your money,
pal,
to your big and friendly Waiter John.