I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a
Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into Uncle
Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love
It had been a while
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five
had had come and went
Since that midnight run haulin'
hog to Shakey Town on I-10
I had picked up this hitchhiker that
was sweatin' gallons
Through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and and
one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops
Well, Well, that night I lost
myself to ruby red lips
Milky white skin and baby blue eyes
Name was Russell
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cryin'
Well, faster than you can say,
"shallow grave"
This pretty little thing come up to me and starts
kneadin' my balls
Like hard-boiled eggs eggs
in a tube sock
Said her name was Bambi and I said,
"Well that's a coincidence darlin'
'Cause I was just thinkin' about
skinnin' you like a deer"
Well she smiled, had about as much
teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern
And And And I went on to tell her how I
would wear her face like a mask
As I do my little kooky dance
And then she told me to shush
I guess she could sense my desperation
'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on
when when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cryin'
So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can
make all my fantasies come true
So I says, "Even this one
I have where Jesus Christ
Is jackhammering Mickey
Mouse in the doo-doo hole
hole
With a lawn dart as Garth Brooks
gives birth to something
Resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds
on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
Well, Well, ten beers,
twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna
town if you know what I mean
Got to nail her back at her trailer
Heh, that rhymes
I have to admit it was even
more of a turn-on
When When I found out she was doin'
me to buy baby formula
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cryin'
Day or so had passed when
I popped the clutch
Gave the tranny a spin
and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle
Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop
There There There I was browsin' through
the latest issue of "Throb"
When I saw Bambi starin' at me from
the back of a milk carton
Well, my heart just dropped
So, I decided to do what
any good Christian would
You can not imagine how difficult it is to
hold a half gallon of moo juice
And polish the one-eyed gopher gopher
when your doin' seventy-five
In In an eighteen-wheeler
I I never thought missing chil
dren could be so sexy
Did I say that out loud?
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better
when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Bloodhound Gang 
